06-06-2015, 06:32 AM
Your poem has a lot of non-specific adjectives like "beautiful" and "precious" that add nothing. You use "so" at least three times and it's really nothing but a noise. We know you feel a connection to this place only because you tell us in very straightforward terms -- to make it really unique, you need to show us. Focus on images rather than skimming over them with a list of random compliments.
And now we reach a dilemma, because like Todd, I could spend some time giving you pointers but you state in your original post -- and then seem to reiterate in your reply to Todd -- that you don't edit, that you like things just the way they are. In that case, what you're looking for is a bit of feedback, but not critique. I suspect that Todd spent upwards of an hour reading and dissecting your poem for your benefit but as there is no indication that you have in fact "taken it on board", I'm not sure there's any purpose to adding my own advice. What a shame.
And now we reach a dilemma, because like Todd, I could spend some time giving you pointers but you state in your original post -- and then seem to reiterate in your reply to Todd -- that you don't edit, that you like things just the way they are. In that case, what you're looking for is a bit of feedback, but not critique. I suspect that Todd spent upwards of an hour reading and dissecting your poem for your benefit but as there is no indication that you have in fact "taken it on board", I'm not sure there's any purpose to adding my own advice. What a shame.
It could be worse