Dreams Edit 1

[bena]

I think if you're going to do a dream vs reality poem, you need to make the imagery concrete enough, and give us more about your own personal demons that haunt you...to make it less a generic poem about dreams. Since the topic has been done to death, it needs to stand on its own as something different--and making it more detailed perhaps will accomplish this. I don't think you need to trash the whole thing, just rethink the direction you are going in and the journey you're taking the reader on. It's a difficult thing sometimes to remember that the reader can't read your mind and fill in the gaps you do--I have troubles with it myself. More personal information would make this fresh.

Hope that helps.

bena/mel.