05-22-2015, 03:25 AM
Shem
Ditto everything Tom said. As for me, I have little to add, as there is little here that makes sense to me. The poem starts out seeming to over explain everything it says. The only problem is the explanations make things even less clear. This seems a case of a lot of information that should have made it to the page didn't get there, because the writer supposed that the reader knows what he knows. Outside of it not being center-justified like your other poem, they both end up in the same spot. BTW since I will probably not critique your other poem, about the only legitimate use of center-justify, besides old lady coffee table books, is for concrete, or shape poetry, outside of that it appears merely as an affectation.
Best,
Dale
Ditto everything Tom said. As for me, I have little to add, as there is little here that makes sense to me. The poem starts out seeming to over explain everything it says. The only problem is the explanations make things even less clear. This seems a case of a lot of information that should have made it to the page didn't get there, because the writer supposed that the reader knows what he knows. Outside of it not being center-justified like your other poem, they both end up in the same spot. BTW since I will probably not critique your other poem, about the only legitimate use of center-justify, besides old lady coffee table books, is for concrete, or shape poetry, outside of that it appears merely as an affectation.
Best,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.