Love's illusion

[tectak]

Hello somni,
This is not easy to read, not easy to crit....and patently, you found it not easy to write....in spite of the wealth of cliche. Please do not take this in bad humor. Writing love eulogies is a necessary step to avoiding writing love eulogies. There is very little you can do about the cloudy Wordsworthian "on high" but do not fall in to the trap of thinking you thought it up. "wrought from fantas(ies)y" is generic."woman is made of man's (men's?) dreams" is skirting on the avoidable."...let my mind wander" goes without saying though you said it. "heart grew fonder" is improved by absence.
From this piont on the whole thing goes down the vernacular drain and not in a good way. What with "tools" and punctuation issues, "the hottest, a treat, and yes as a Goddess." compounding the rot; cliche upon cliche "...a dream come true","thundered sky","steal my love". Sheesh.
OK. that's the bad news. The good news is you can change it. Try to say things in a new way, it really does not matter how you extend the imagery as long as it makes sense. Put yourself out on a limb then use all your imagination to picture your thoughts. Yes. Picture your thoughts. Imagery is a term that is used to describe by projection...you have to transmit what you "see" to the reader using words, clarifying metaphors and similes, colour.
The last eight lines are quite substantial in terms of intent but the weak language and lapse in to forced rhyme is your downfall. It screams inconsistency and goes down the maelstom in a flood of mixed metaphors which have no scaffold to hold them together (see what I mean?). The bizarre punctuation does not help (I let that snake steal. My love and life away from me.), nor does the schoolboy capitalisation of every line as seen in poetry books from fifty years ago. Don't do it.
Finally, when you have run out of things to say....stop saying things.
Best,
tectak

Love's illusion

I sat on high, above the earth, in the night sky.
We were weaving and dreaming, giving birth from the mind.
She came to me, as if she were wrought purely from my fantasy.
For I had said that woman is made of man's dreams.
I didn't really think that I was being extreme, and so I let my mind wander.
As I watched her dance to my beats, my heart grew ever fonder.
Sure enough it wasn't long before she was the hottest, a treat, and yes as a Goddess.
I poured into her my love and all my power, and she stood there on my black diamond tower.
As a dream come true.
Like a fool I had given her my entire rule, and allowed her to dream my dream.
Then a snake popped up from the ground and said in its hissing sound, "that girl is not what she seems."
And like a tool I wondered, and the sky thundered, and in my eyes my love sundered.
For at that moment of my doubt love's waters had turned into drought.
For I did not know if love was real, and I let that snake steal.
My love and life away from me.