05-13-2015, 03:30 AM
I love the idea of glass promises. The poem becomes too dense in the second stanza. I think it should stay as light as the glass and as light as the structure at the end of stanza 1. I might even end it after the that.
Also, just a thought, use light (illumination) and light (lacking density, heft) and maybe explore the transparent nature of glass as a metaphor.
The first stanza is the best I have read today. Keep working.
Also, just a thought, use light (illumination) and light (lacking density, heft) and maybe explore the transparent nature of glass as a metaphor.
The first stanza is the best I have read today. Keep working.