Yesterday, Our Old School Burnt Down

[tectak]

Yesterday, I thought of her
And the lifeless rock it woke and heard
And every line and every word
was: “I once knew her”.

But we never read in text-books
how well we’d leave behind,
the silent promises we spoke blind
When we were laughing hard and grasping hands
to dance with crowds to decent bands.
Back then I’d use a phone to talk to God
and she could flash the firing squad.

Today she’s inches from my feet.
I should run back years and we'd meet
again, but this time I’d be different,
so I’d never write about time spent
thinking of just how we knew each other.

Yesterday, I thought of her.
And the weeping willow moved with thought.
And the flightless bird it sang the thought.
And the fish looked through the water-sky
To say to the sun: “I knew her”.

I tried to give it a bit more flow

Yesterday, I thought of her

The lifeless rock it woke and heard
And every line and every word
was: “I once knew her”.

We never read the in text-books
how well we’d leave behind,
Silent promises were spoken blind
When we were laughing hard and grasping hands
Dancing with crowds to decent bands.
I’d use a phone to talk to God
and she could flash the firing squad.

Today she’s inches from my feet.
I should run back years so then we'd meet
again, but this time I’d be different:
I’d never write about time spent
thinking of just how we knew each other.

Yesterday, I thought of her.
And the weeping willow moved with thought.
And the flightless bird it sang the thought.
And the fish looked through the water-sky
To say to the sun: “I knew her”.

You are better than this. Copying and pasting the original piece with a few changes pre-empted by a one line explanation as to the why, does not make for valid crit. Better that you explain WHY the suggestions than why your reason for making them.
Mod