Idle Time

[Brownie]

try and bold out changes or critiques so the readers can see the changes. you can also copy and past the original into a post for comparison./ mod

I'm new to this critic thing. So how about a whole restructuring?

I know it's your voice, but how's this? Disrupting the flow?

Why do we wait
navigate shiny nicknacks that compass no future
gnaw time through television shrines
with temporary faces in vogue a decade
(ere retirement for next)
in perpetual social myopia.

I remember Julian the Apostate had a beard when it wasn't OK
and didn't care
but he was Emperor

Why don't I call my mother?
tell her I love her?
Why didn't I tell my father?
Why don't I write that novel?
Hemingway wrote his at 26

My arms, like Atlas, quiver
while I ponder perfect sentences.

Meanwhile my blood shambles through skin tunnels,
my wrinkles pool like treebark
while I aspire to be verdigris.