04-10-2015, 02:50 AM
(04-08-2015, 09:30 AM)i.might.be.a.bit.sad Wrote: Flying or Falling?
We looked up and
couldn’t see the ceiling.
I was a little afraid,
afraid of smashing to bits.
But you launched us up anyway,
sure that your love would go on forever
and maybe
yours did.
When I saw it looming before me,
I tried to pull away.
But you grabbed me closer
and made me sweat worry and
pity and shame for ever wanting to
leave.
When you shot through a crack in the bedrock,
I hit the cold hard cement,
unable to love past there,
and I seem to have
broken my trust
upon
landing.
Hi: I enjoyed reading this and see its potential. The image of one person plying, the other always falling, and reluctant. I wonder if the height as a metaphor had something to do with the reluctant partner; possibly you can expand on why? You hint at worry, fear; if so perhaps you could expand on that. Some nice imagery, one shooting through the bedrock, the other the cement; gives me a feeling, considering, that one person could not fly, or fly high, I agree with Todd about line breaks and adding more imagery. I am interested that the reluctance to fly, ends, your last line with "broken trust", and I am not sure how that relates to the reluctance of the falling person. Best Loretta