Midnight Afloat

[Hitler]

Thank you so much for all those useful opinions and I am trying to improve by writing more.
I have amended it and I hope to see the comments on this

Midnight Afloat
At night thou want to take thy stroll in town,
and tuck the ache away with fearless sound.
A mellow beam with blink in eyes remains,
to catch the sight of how to make a change.

The scars of pride embrace the doubt of past,
the joy with spark ascends from gorge of dark.
thou gaze thy pain and gape at how it sinks,
a jar of teary time is gone with rain.

A ride on train departs to other will,
“Do not be scared.” the pilgrim smirks with pill,
the noise below the ground rewinds the mind.
“Are we condemned to find the signs of life?”

perhaps it shows, in time the dread will go,
the broken brick, will lead to countless roads.

You might not want to use the old-timey language, it makes you sound a bit stuffy, especially since the poem is in modern times. You also cut out some words in making the lines shorter which seemed to be important for the meaning. You have to be careful that syllable counting does not become too forced as rhyming can be. instead of simply cutting out words, you can try phrasing it in an entirely new way. In all, I think its decent, but you could still work on it a bit more.