Beneath a Purple Sky edit #1

[RooktoKing]

Edit # 1:

For the first half hour we sat in a field,
convinced each stray thought was the first ripple of the trip.
 
We took turns saying “I think I feel something”, until eventually,
we stopped thinking altogether.
 
Gradually, each surface became laminated:
sunlight bouncing with every movement,
shining from all angles.
 
A helicopter seed spun down with a breeze
that drew goosebumps on my arms
and patterns in the grass.
 
I was the first to laugh.

Original:

For the first half hour we sat in a field,
convinced each stray thought was the first ripple of the trip.
 
We took turns saying “I think I feel something”, until eventually, this whole stanza is really nicely done. explains what is going on but doesn't overstate anything
we stopped thinking altogether.
 
Gradually, each surface seemed to become laminated:
sunlight bouncing with every movement,
shining from all angles.

I like this ending, in and of itself. It's quirky, tongue in cheek, and unexpected. I like the casual observatory nature, almost like you're just watching it all objectively. I think I want one more twist or beat in the poem. Right now it just feels like a snapshot of a moment in time-which is fine if that's what you want it to be, but I think there is the potential for more here.