03-19-2015, 04:53 PM
still wondering about the title
all in all i liked the piece though it is a bit wordy in a couple of places. i also struggled with filt and square carousel[though i see that as the study in the title] the opening line is excellent as is the extention of the metaphor into the 2nd line. the caps don't help the poem in any way.
all in all i liked the piece though it is a bit wordy in a couple of places. i also struggled with filt and square carousel[though i see that as the study in the title] the opening line is excellent as is the extention of the metaphor into the 2nd line. the caps don't help the poem in any way.
(03-19-2015, 04:27 PM)Entenzahn Wrote: His voice is a buzzing slave.
A fly on the wall
I smear the hardwood with elbow grease
And under these diode stars
Curtains fall over me
And drag me down into the night.
Inside of my square carousel ?
A book is the sun
Of my solar system.
Black holes melt into puddles,
Slide off the page
And say hello to my eyes. i think this is great, the metaphor the imagination, the love of reading
The crowd cheers for me.
Bottle in my fist,
I Soldier on.
Liquify my brain, liquefy
Valves bent with pent-up steam
on just one of many pipes.
The alarm rings but I haven’t
Set the clock.
Red filt streaks i have no idea what filt is?
Run through the paper
Crumpled in my fist.
I breathe out.
The world shifts back upright,
Still crooked. Still dim.