Poor Johnny Goodman

[fromcancertocapricorn]

Poor Johnny Goodman
Sitting in his apple tree
Waiting for the sun to set
Soon on his misery

Poor Johnny Goodman
Looking at the sky
Hoping for the twilit hours
To quickly pass him by

Poor Johnny Goodman
Trembling fingers double check
And tighten up the coils
Of the rope around his neck

-BW BRINE


POST-EDIT:

Poor Johnny Goodman: sitting in his apple tree,
waiting for the sun to set on his misery;

Poor Johnny Goodman: looking at the sky,
hoping for the twilit hours to quickly pass him by;

Poor Johnny Goodman: trembling fingers double check
and tighten up the coils of the rope around his neck.

-BW BRINE

This poem definitely has some strong resemblance to tall tales and folk songs, and so I'm a little worried it comes off as copy-cat poetry. I also think some of the images and metaphors you use like "waiting for the sun to set" are trite and hackneyed. I would avoid these. Also, and maybe this is just a personal thing, Johnny Goodman and apples makes me think of Johnny Appleseed, which bothers me for some reason.