02-19-2015, 05:54 AM
This is not the Ramones' song by the same name. Here is the link for those Lyrics
If you are not interested in pursuing this in terms of making it better, that is if you consider this a faite accompli, then there is no need to read further.
Dale
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The airplane was not very effective
I liked the placement of the tambourine, except it was poorly mic'd and the playing was bad. That's to bad, it made the piece, at that point, sound just like a modern Beatnik piece. It would be nice if you were consistent with what background you were wanting your hearers to mentally see. I could wish that the voice box rhythmic expressions could be dropped as they were done poorly and did not enhance the piece. This goes for such things as the "yeah" that you used several times.
Vocally it came across as weak. You sang remarkably well considering it was a cappella, however you need to work on your breath control some as your voice went weak and shaky throughout the piece. Your voice has excellent timbre. Do not waste it. Shore up that spastic diaphragm so that you have good breath flow throughout. I wish my voice were naturally that good.
I don't really know the point of the barely audible bells/chimes and crystal bowl. It's as though you went from beatnik to scary "B" movie. I don't think changing the background image every minute or so helps the piece, plus the chimes/bowl background just sounds to much like a cliche.
Someone wished for a text of the piece, I would like to see one also as you at time spoke faster than you are capable and you tended to run your words together.
I could see this as slam. I don't think there is anything that would prevent a tambourine being used, however you would need a more stable and compact shake before the accent. You could also use the tambourine to set the beat as you seem to be wanting to do in various sections.
Best of luck
If you are not interested in pursuing this in terms of making it better, that is if you consider this a faite accompli, then there is no need to read further.
Dale
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The airplane was not very effective
I liked the placement of the tambourine, except it was poorly mic'd and the playing was bad. That's to bad, it made the piece, at that point, sound just like a modern Beatnik piece. It would be nice if you were consistent with what background you were wanting your hearers to mentally see. I could wish that the voice box rhythmic expressions could be dropped as they were done poorly and did not enhance the piece. This goes for such things as the "yeah" that you used several times. Vocally it came across as weak. You sang remarkably well considering it was a cappella, however you need to work on your breath control some as your voice went weak and shaky throughout the piece. Your voice has excellent timbre. Do not waste it. Shore up that spastic diaphragm so that you have good breath flow throughout. I wish my voice were naturally that good.
I don't really know the point of the barely audible bells/chimes and crystal bowl. It's as though you went from beatnik to scary "B" movie. I don't think changing the background image every minute or so helps the piece, plus the chimes/bowl background just sounds to much like a cliche.
Someone wished for a text of the piece, I would like to see one also as you at time spoke faster than you are capable and you tended to run your words together.
I could see this as slam. I don't think there is anything that would prevent a tambourine being used, however you would need a more stable and compact shake before the accent. You could also use the tambourine to set the beat as you seem to be wanting to do in various sections.
Best of luck
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.