02-14-2015, 08:27 AM
(02-13-2015, 05:53 PM)ABennett Wrote: What an evocative image you paint for the reader, it drums up plenty of memories of at least how I felt as a jejune teenager and of the most precious time of year: summer! My only criticism would be the use of "female" in the last stanza. I don't think it adds anything to the poem particularly when you are using a refrain which identifies who you're speaking of. Obviously it's your call about what you leave in, but to me "their female splendor" (as opposed to simply "their splendor") comes off as somewhat condescending or objectifying. Other than that, I think you have a very fine poem here!I think the "female" criticism is a fair assessment. Thanks for this.