02-12-2015, 06:40 AM
Wow, this poem has a lot of power to it. Beutifually written. Everything I would have said has been stated my people more educated than I. The only comments that i could make is small nit-picky things that I would put in if this were my poem. I like to take out unnecessary contractions for example. Such as in line 10, the word "couldn't" makes this line a little passive. If it read "I could not feel hours passing by" or "I could not feel the hours pass by", then I think it would be more powerful. Switching the words "glinting" and "precious" would make more sense in the last line, but you could be going for this contrast.