Poet's Trance Alternative Edit

[Leah S.]

Leah,
Actually this is an "Italian Sonnet".  A Spenserian, along with most other sonnet forms have rhyming couplets as the last two lines. The Italian sonnet has the following rhyme pattern abba abba cdecde, which is what this poem has. Regardless, it is a perfectly fine Italian sonnet.
I do have a quibble with the use of enjambement. The first use:
but scrutinized each line to find the best
of rhymes; the secret metaphors unguessed
My idea of enjambement is that it's purpose is to share a word with both the first line and the second. In the above example "of Rhymes" which seems to only have "of" attached to it to make the meter come out correctly, as it could just as easily be done away with. The second problem is that "rhymes" does not seem to apply to "the secret metaphors unguessed," unless the writer is trying to say that rhymes are metaphors, which is really not defensible. I can elaborate further, but I would assume this would be self evident. However, just in case, a metaphor says this is that, two single words can not accomplish a metaphor. I suppose that one could say that humans are turtles, but "humans - turtles" do not accomplish a metaphor as it is lacking the language that equates them. In a metaphor's simplest form one would at the least need to insert an "is" between the two words.
So we have mistaken enjambement, or incorrectly used enjambement. That is to say the line is broken so that the end word, "best" and unguessed" rhyme and as noted it also helps with the meter. Personally I do not think this is a correct use of enjambement. I think of it in the same context as "form" or "concrete" poetry. If line breaks can be accomplished with a disregard to sentences or phrases and can be broken anywhere, then a forth grader could probably cut the lines to form an image.
This other instance falls more in line with how enjambement should be used.
"I was transported to a place behind
the world, where time's an evanescent lie"
If we split the word(s) "the world" between the two lines it makes sense.
"I was transported to a place behind the world"  and
"the world, where time's an evanescent lie"
The only question here is does the enjambement actually benefit the lines by being split? Personally, I find enjambement is overused in the prosodic world, that is to say when examining the phrases and versification of poetry. I am certain some will disagree, but I will stand behind my statement as to the correct use of enjambement.    
Aside form these nit-picky things I found this an enjoyable poem to read. Oh yes, I did appreciate the word play on Charles Dickens' opening line of "The Tale of Two cities."    "the best of rhymes" "the best of times"
Intentional or not it is still great word play.
Dale
   

Wow, cool. I was under-educated about enjambment, and so now I can blame you forever for raising my personal poetic bar. Love/Hate/Hate/Love You! I don't think I'm going to mess with this sonnet, but will forever after bear it in mind. As if sonnets weren't hard enough.
As far as your comment about rhymes not being metaphors, I meant it to be a simple list of some of the elements that go into a poem, separated by semi-colons to indicate it was a list: rhymes; metaphors; stunning phrases conveying nuance. Your interpretation would be correct if I had used a colon as in, 'rhymes: metaphors; stunning phrases.' Maybe I need to clean that up a little, but I don't want to overwork it.
I didn't consciously intend the play on the "best of times" but I did want it to be a little reminiscent of cliché. I wasn't looking for just the 'best rhyme,' but the 'best of (all possible) rhymes.'
You are right, I mislabeled it as Spenserian. I have that rhyme scheme in my notes as Petrarchan, which is also Italian. I had just written a Spenserian the day before, so blame my Poet's Trance for confusing me.
Love you guys.