Time (edit .001 - Leanne, Billy)

[Erthona]

Ray, what can I say,

I was raised a Southern Baptist and despite my best efforts to eradicate it, it still seeps through on occasion.
Still, I think that ingrained knowledge can be useful, especially in terms of rhythm and tone

"The first two lines are too cute and the last five lines are drama queens.
Intellectual reminisce is betrayed by such."

I agree, but since I knew that when I wrote it...that is to say it was done purposefully. I would have to say it is the last lines (I don't know what you are counting as lines) that are too cute - and it does make me cringe. Still, a similar thing was suggested by Billy, so I thought I would give it a try. I just realized I ought to put "Billy" in the title. I do believe a poem should stand on it's own and not have to resort to tricks, but we shall see.

As you seem to reflect back my own thoughts to me I can only believe we were separated at birth as we are brother's in cynic-schism

Thanks for the critique, I will keep these things in mind.

Dale