Poet's Trance Alternative Edit

[ChristopherSea]

This one needs to be whacked into shape. Spenserian sonnets are strangerian.


I haven't eaten anything today,
or made my bed, or even gotten dressed, I don't know the word 'gotten'
and if you think I'm clinically depressed
I don't appreciate your kind dismay.
I never felt despair, or lost my way,
I just kept looking for the very best, #1 Two Syllable Adjective
the perfect rhyme, the words unguessed line missing two syllables, #2 TSA
as yet, the stunning phrase that would convey #3 TSA
the deepest nuance to my reader's mind. #4 and #5 TSA
I couldn't feel the hours passing by,
or hear my hollow belly's distant groan. #6 and #7 TSA
I was transported to a place behind
the world we know, where time's a lie line missing two syllables
and every glinting word's a precious stone. #8 and #9 TSA

To write poetry about writing poetry is a difficult task! I like the tone of your poem, and the complaints feel authentic to me as reader. Your final line leaves me with a lovely image, but at the same time I'm hearing more two-syllable adjectives as fillers for meter. You do that a lot in this poem - it's a temptation when using iambic pentameter, more so than other meters, I find. I hope this helps!

Got vs. gotten


In American and Canadian English, the past participle of the verb get is usually gotten. For example, we might say, “I have gotten behind on my work,” or, “The book was not gotten easily.” Got is the participle in some uses, though, such as where has got to or have got to means must (e.g., “We have got to go to the store.”) and where has got or have got means has or have (e.g., “I have got five sisters.”)  

In the main varieties of English from outside North America, the past participle of get in all its senses is usually got. Gotten appears occasionally, and it is standard in a few set phrases such as ill-gotten gains, but the shorter form prevails by a large margin.

That gotten is primarily used in North America has given rise to the mistaken belief that it is American in origin and hence new and inferior. But gotten is in fact an old form, predating the United States and Canada by several centuries. It fell out of favor in British English by the 18th century, but it was eventually picked up again on the other side of the Atlantic, perhaps by analogy with forgotten.

The vehemence of some Britons’ scorn for gotten likely has to do with the fact that it has gained ground in British English over the last couple of decades. Many English speakers from outside North America resist the encroachment of so-called Americanisms (many of which, like gotten, are not actually American in origin) on their versions of English, and, for mysterious reasons, some feel especially strongly about gotten.

I'm tackling feet and double adjectives now. Will try to avoid the blind fog I was in originally. Leah

Don't forget the phrase 'ill-gotten booty' from M*A*S*H - Season 1, Episode 10: I Hate A Mystery!