Poet's Trance Alternative Edit

[just mercedes]

This one needs to be whacked into shape. Spenserian sonnets are strangerian.


I haven't eaten anything today,
or made my bed, or even gotten dressed, I don't know the word 'gotten'
and if you think I'm clinically depressed
I don't appreciate your kind dismay.
I never felt despair, or lost my way,
I just kept looking for the very best, #1 Two Syllable Adjective
the perfect rhyme, the words unguessed line missing two syllables, #2 TSA
as yet, the stunning phrase that would convey #3 TSA
the deepest nuance to my reader's mind. #4 and #5 TSA
I couldn't feel the hours passing by,
or hear my hollow belly's distant groan. #6 and #7 TSA
I was transported to a place behind
the world we know, where time's a lie line missing two syllables
and every glinting word's a precious stone. #8 and #9 TSA

To write poetry about writing poetry is a difficult task! I like the tone of your poem, and the complaints feel authentic to me as reader. Your final line leaves me with a lovely image, but at the same time I'm hearing more two-syllable adjectives as fillers for meter. You do that a lot in this poem - it's a temptation when using iambic pentameter, more so than other meters, I find. I hope this helps!