Poet's Trance Alternative Edit

[tectak]

This one needs to be whacked into shape. Spenserian sonnets are strangerian.


I haven't eaten anything today,
or made my bed, or even gotten dressed,
and if you think I'm clinically depressed
I don't appreciate your kind dismay.
I never felt despair, or lost my way,
I just kept looking for the very best,
the perfect rhyme, the words unguessed
as yet, the stunning phrase that would convey
the deepest nuance to my reader's mind.
I couldn't feel the hours passing by,
or hear my hollow belly's distant groan.
I was transported to a place behind
the world we know, where time's a lie
and every glinting word's a precious stone.

No, leah, it  needs but a gentile, sexless massage. You make salient and well observed points..I much appreciated the "I don't appreciate the kind dismay" ...good understanding of the depressive's attitude....though usually expressed post-episode.
The thing hangs on a Damaclesian (and if that ain't a word it should be) thread which would snap if changed by one  jot...in other words it is fragile in intent, as is moot, such that any interference, either poetically or in terms of veracity, would not add anything. The sexless massage? Perhaps a tweak of enjambment...how sexless is that?
Very best,
tectak