01-29-2015, 01:44 AM
I do enjoy the whimsicality and character the poem has. However I do agree with the others when they say that the accent needs to be refined a bit, or dropped altogether. It does seem like your trying to evoke a certain time period with this poem (maybe it's just me), however you need to keep that accent consistent throughout the poem.
I really like the rhythm of this one, though the rhyme is a bit rudimentary (lean/Queen, sons/guns, fill/bill). Perhaps your trying to paint a portrait of a rather uneducated soldier, which could explain the simplicity of the rhyme.
As a whole, I like the poem. As I said before to me it evokes a certain time period, and I enjoyed it.
I really like the rhythm of this one, though the rhyme is a bit rudimentary (lean/Queen, sons/guns, fill/bill). Perhaps your trying to paint a portrait of a rather uneducated soldier, which could explain the simplicity of the rhyme.
As a whole, I like the poem. As I said before to me it evokes a certain time period, and I enjoyed it.