Lament for a Working Man:

[RiverNotch]

The father died.:

No sooner was the old man dead
than crows assembled 'round his bed
No sooner had he shut his eyes 
than vultures savored his demise
As soon as all the birds were fed,
[and] the candles [were] out, the taste of dread Or maybe I'm just reading this line wrong.
was spread on wings across the skies "spread on wings" and "across the skies" feels kinda redundant. Something different should replace either of those two phrases.
as his soul flew and my soul died. Suddenly moving onto what happened to the speaker's soul feels like a really big cop-out. I mean, it's a clean ending, but it isn't anything special. Something more profound would be better here: maybe a continuation of the description, since the poem in general already shows how bleak the vision of the speaker is. 


And I kinda want to see more viscera in your description of the carrion feast, if only to make it more powerful and, well, unique.