Seasons and Spirits

[RSaba]

I like this. It reads to me slowly but surely, like a muggy summer day. I think the reason for this is the way each line is half of a sentence and each stanza is two sentences -- that predictability makes me feel safe while reading it and I like that. I hope these little comments help. I didn't have much. Haven't been on this site in a while, so my critique game may be rusty!

I can feel the heat of summer swinging
along to every humid breath you take.
Rapping on your pallid temples why are their temples pallid?
are my greedy fingers, ten wine-stained snakes. love this line. great image.


The bitter atmosphere of fall
nips at your nose, the noble hill.
Enthralling smells of cider, freshly-pressed,
and boiling maple sap bleed from your skin. great description. I could smell the cider and sap! 

Blossoming flames and heady beer
are passions we behold while in these chains. which chains? I love the first line, but the second one loses the image for me.
The fearless rhythm of our winter love
blushes the silver blind beyond. these two lines are great although exactly what the "silver blind beyond" is escapes me. It sounds nice though.

You're wearing that shift of flowers again:
your vernal musk, the wax to your honey.
A glen of cherry cordial lies
unsullied in our dim cellar. great way to end the piece!

I like the images this conjures up and I can't wait to read the final copy. 
Cheers,
Rosa