I wonder how it feels to be a bird

[tectak]

So my last poem didn't go over so well. So I just wrote two this morning using a more contemporary mode, trial and erroring it, I guess.
OK Kubla, you really are up for this poetry trip. Good...you will get better as you improve. For now, you need to walk a bit before you run. You don't need to write mumbo-jumbo to get the "poet" medal. English is a very extensive language with  many right words for almost everything...the trick is to  find a new way of using the words. Not the wrong way. So, your first line. Look at it. Read it. How does anything hold a blue? Blue is an adjective NOT a noun, except in Australian passport control. G'day. How does the morning hold? The line is just nonsense BUT...look, how easy is it?
"The morning sky stains umber blue...."

Umber Blue Morning (I just made this titles up on the fly, I'm in a hurry) Is this part of the title? No. Then do not make it so. Who gives a shit if you are in a hurry or in an iron lung. Write the bloody poetry.

The morning holds an umber blue
As I peer from my window "as" is weak and chronologically conditional. If you STOPPED looking out of the window, would the morning sky be any different? No. So why say "as"?
To the frosted earth. Massive disconnect. Are you challenged in the sight department that like a chameleon you can look up to the sky and down to the ground simultaneously? Clarify by a simple rewrite. Look, I know what you mean but you ain't saying what you mean. This may seem pedantic (it is) right now, but go with me.
" The morning sky stains (spills, glows, dims, spreads, turns, fades etc) umber blue.
I turn my eyes and peer down from
my window to the frosted earth."
This ONLY an example but it scans out, too. No more. Your poem.


No snow, no sun is found on this January eve,Please. Stop. Think. We all have to. Sun does not tend to feature in winter evenings. Pick something which may be but isn't...wind, sound, joy, life. etc. It was a dark, starless night, may be...but a dark sunless eve?
But a layer of ice lies thick on all the withered things. You just said it was frosted earth, now suddenly we have had an ice storm. Stop. Think. Why "but"? Weak. "but" means "in spite of something" .In spite of what. Lose it. The line still works but correctly. Have you something against correct?

I wonder how we've done it, looking at the bare thrushes of trees, "it" is not called an indefinite article for nothing. "it" is indefinite...what is it? What the hell is a thrush of trees? Naked, clothed, fledged or whatever....what is a thrush of trees?
How we've built empires upon cold, indifferent nature, Please, edit out these insane capitals at the start of EVERY line. To go from looking at naked thushes, comma, to a capitalised yet disconnected grand (statemental) QUESTION, then romp forward in to the Land of Twisted  Syntax is just bizarre
This remote Galaxy,an endless universe, a mystery. You are thinking, some may say commendably, outside your own box...but you ARE thinking. Just spend more time with your friends...words. Get to know them better, find out how to manipulate them to do what YOU want them to do. At this time, you have little control. Get some. The last line of your second poem is moot.
Very best,
tectak



The next one:

I wonder how it feels to be a bird
Surging with song,
I throw my mind into their winged bodies
To no semblance, and ere long

I'm reminded of the border of death
Which my knowing cannot transcend.
I, bound only to my self
And severed from all else,
Cannot even myself comprehend.

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