In Defense of the Cold Ones

[billy]

first off;

hi, welcome and thanks for the feedback you've given so far :J:

the poem:
some of the lines on their own read well enough but i can run them together in order to get enough out of them. the titles gives me a hint that it has to do with death, religion also seems to be at play but in general it feels too ambiguous. wish i could have been more helpful

In Defense of the Cold Ones


Shameless, mindless appetites
feasting on sensual flesh would this be a better first line and the 1st line be a better 2nd line?
wet and hard the blood and bone
these animals lick and suck with longing.  

A stark contrast the Cold Ones are–
those who refuse the fruit of carnal knowledge
defying our loving Garden birth
denying our indelible double helixes.

This is our world without hunger:
there are no famines for those who never eat this is one of those good stand alone lines for it obvious imagery.
tasting lips yields no flavor
delicious games produce no favors.



They sleep in self-inflicted starvation
fingering with only sweet, candied strokes as is this,
content with inner ecstasy
living without gluttony.