In Defense of the Cold Ones

[tectak]

In Defense of the Cold Ones
Shameless, mindless appetites
feasting on sensual flesh
wet and hard the blood and bone
these animals lick and suck with longing.  
A stark contrast the Cold Ones are–
those who refuse the fruit of carnal knowledge
defying our loving Garden birth
denying our indelible double helixes.
This is our world without hunger:
there are no famines for those who never eat
tasting lips yields no flavor
delicious games produce no favors.

They sleep in self-inflicted starvation
fingering with only sweet, candied strokes
content with inner ecstasy
living without gluttony. 

This is Serious Workshopping so the first item on your agenda will be some serious workshopping. Your previous explique gives me more concern than I would normallly admit to as I am always wary of those who write obscure prose then say "guess what it all means". There is so much wrong with this, in fact I cannot find anything right, that this general comment is as likely to help as anything. The thing reads like a piece desperately created to be sensational, and accordingly fails miserably because the desperation is  greater than the creation....and the concept gets buried. Shame on you...it is a great idea worthy of clarity.
OK. That's the good news. The bad news is that it has nothing to work with. The words used just trundle along...over modification is excessive and naively applied, the opening line gives attributes to "appetites" which lay abstraction upon abstraction without any apparent understanding. "Shameless", by the absence of shame implies a consciousness...to follow with "mindless" is a complete disconnect from meaning. Then with a triumphant error you link your loose  chain of sentience to some diametrically described physicality....appetite. It is just self-satisfying (I choose this expression wisely) evacuation of words like a good shit after a vindaloo.
As I said, this is bad news, primarily because, though hidden from this reader's view, you presumably have a point to make.. I say this kindly because I cannnot believe you would  go to the minor inconvenience of stringing un-metered, non-rhyming,  obscurely juxtaposed words together for no reason.I have read other work from you.
The last two lines of the penultimate stanza says it all....or nothing.The snake has eaten the rabbit...move on.
For me, this is just an exercise in verbosity pretending to be a piece of poetic endeavour. What came first, the concept or the construction. I cannot tell. I look forward to your next edit.
Best,
tectak