12-02-2014, 11:27 AM
well then, to attempt a critique..
(11-20-2014, 12:54 AM)tectak Wrote: A call, a cry, a father’s name; a million heads turn round. I don't think this opening line is a very interesting line, to be honest. the first part especially with all the pauses chops it up for me
No John, or David, Pete or Mat will bring Mohammed down. I decided to keep reading after this line' I think it could be the opening if it were reworked a bit
Though saints infest the west the east protects its sneaking thief; saints infest the west was baffling to me, especially since I don't associate saints with anything negative, even if you disregard the religious connotation...
steals thinking sons from thoughtful life,
named in good faith to limit strife...
all synonyms for grief.
A century, millennium; time all but bombed by history.
The curse of being son of man eats hearts and souls; a mystery
made secret by your place of birth, unsure of what life means,
the young treat death as blessed demise
to trade for early paradise;
and everlasting dreams.
Love when you can for gods are strange, and do not love you back.
Why else do mortals fight their fights, in holy lands, in black Iraq,
in sunlit places, made for peace? They kill us with commands
to maim, to glorify a Lord. i think that this line is awkward.. they kill us... to glorify a lord, makes it sound like the Lord isn't "they" but I'm pretty sure within the context of the poem it is.
Oh how we play on things absurd
right into hell’s hands.
Tectak being politically incorrect. Should I be bothered?
2014 and onwards