[split] cirrhosis (is the poem about the poet)

[paulcanuck]

Quite liked this - good/sad snapshot of the writer and some of his family.
As far as suggs:
I think you should remove the word "From" in: "from trying to become as yellow" - that way it's the cirrhosis that is trying to turn yellow - which gives it an evil personification of its own. Also seems like a lot of phrases at the end of the last sentence - to.. of.. in.. as.. I think you could end this with a short high-impact sentence to give it some finality - but may be just my personal preferences..
Good effort here! I love it when a writer does his/her work and thinks out every part.
Paul

Yes, it's a good/sad snapshot, but not necessarily of the writer and his/her family. We don't know what sparked the poet to write this, only whether or not we found it successful.

How is it not about the writer's family? He talks of his brother and his father...just saying
For the sake of all members who post here, there is a preferred stance regarding the content of work; it is never a good idea to "assume" veracity. Always consider that the writer is using imagination. It saves feelings and makes the playing field level. Just saying.
Mod