After RVW

[azure]

After RVW

I won’t catch up with you, your white
Opulent decadence, swirling between uncap 'Opulent'
sequined skirts of a modern Asian angel – nice s(s) and a(s)
and cheating Indian waiters with cheap
glasses of souring white wine. I might even
rock my shoulders to the diaphragm
of your poetry, and balance on the edge cut 'and' and replace with "or"
of your wide brimmed glasses – again! –
to the point where champagne has grown stale add "our" between 'where' and 'champagne'
and stuttering, my hand in yours I think you could find a suitable substitute for 'stuttering'.
yawns across the night – how can a hand yawn? doesn't seem right
count the drops of the pool and then run away
because taxi was waiting. Could put in "the" or "our" before 'taxi'. The last three lines are very ambiguous and take away from the poem as a whole. It feels like you just rushed the ending, and it obscured the expression.

Hey there, I liked the light, almost humorous tone this piece had. I had issues with some of the imagery, and the ending seemed weak and rushed on your part. Try not to fall into obscurity and ambiguity when using imagery or metaphor. It only confuses the reader and takes away from the expression as a whole. Thanks

Azure.