Within the corner of each mind

[Eluoh]

I'm too awake;
the concavity
of my body can't be filled
by the skin of another being.
My hunger is of an old, coarse mind on a
woman serpentining through valleys
of mawkish trees and hills of man.
I found them pulling roots out
at the bottom of a boiling river--
almost like cold gods with hot tongues
for stirring storms inside of things, and
at the climax of my rotting capabilities
of sentimentality I dug out a soundness
from the heap that bellowed in response
to the boorish nature of those dreams.
Like strong silhouettes against street lights
the presence of these beasts solicited cities
of sludge and cheap favors feigning happiness,
and beside the babbling brooks
and golden moons, on the seventh red district,
between fat hands and young diamonds,
I'm too awake
searching for harsher realities.

[rowens]

I don't have much to say about it other than it seems pretty good to me, and that whatever flaws somebody could point out seem to me to fit the tone. A tone that carries throughout the whole thing. It's a crowded poem, that's how I feel about it. It sounds young and strong. The strong run-on sentences of hopeful confidence.

[ExpressionofZero]

"between fat hands and young diamonds,
I'm too awake"

Brilliant stuff! As Rowen said, I can't find much wrong with this poem as I agree with it and I think you worded it nicely. I'm a bit of a sucker for long sentences too :-)