Drifting Away

[azure]

Hi all,

Here's a poem I just created that depicts how I've been feeling about life lately. It's definitely a melancholy piece, so apologies if anyone feels depressed after reading it. It encapsulates some things that have happened in my family over the past year, as well as my ongoing challenge of figuring out my calling in life. Anyway, please critique as you like. Thanks for reading:

Drifting

So many disparate pieces
Once a part of a beautiful puzzle
Floating further and further away
Each in their own tormented orbits
Memories of a past that seems cruelly happy cut the 's' from 'seems'
Drifting further away maybe break this into a stanza?
Objects in mirror are farther than they appear
Nurturing new bonds is my medication (I relate but you are not convincing me of anything new.)
Without these, life would be meaningless Your language use lacks originality. This is cliched
And yet, the pain still lingers
The memories of warmth and joy last two lines are just cliches.
A familial bond seemingly untouchable 'familial' doesn't seem right here.
Broken, shattered, flushed away
Never to return, never to breathe again last two lines are really dramatic and cliche
Drifting further away could be spaced into a new stanza
Feelings of being trapped in chains
The weight is unforgiving lack of punctuation makes the poem difficult to read.
What once seemed so clear has rendered itself hazy cliche once again.
A blindness of the future, a distaste of the present
Like a useless compass, whizzing around in circles
Never to land on one direction simile lacked originality.
Always searching for the true answer  could just cut 'the true answer' and use simply "truth".
A cosmic exploration of life's meanings, pains, and more
Forever drifting, further and further away

the reiteration of 'drifting away' was a lazy attempt at stating the obvious in a stagnate ending.

While I can relate to this poem, it was expressed in cliche ways and had useless repetition that did not interest me. Your descriptions of your suffering lacked originality and the format of this poem made it sloppy and difficult to read. I suggest striving to utilize unique imagery and intriguing metaphors to breathe life into this overused subject matter. Push yourself.

Azure