Slubber Chantey (another word of the day poem)
#2
(11-18-2014, 10:43 AM)Erthona Wrote:  Slubber Chantey (another word of the day poem)*
 
 
He slubber decks all about
washing like a lubber,
did such good as having sex
using a broke rubber.
 
It was him and no one’s udder!
‘ja think it was yer mudder?
 
We threw him in the salty brine
without nae oar nor tubber.
He’s blessed we didn’t keelhaul his ass
for acting like a grubber.
 
Be glad he’s not yer brother!
He slubber boy he slubber. Yah!
 
So don’t be stepping on this ship,
if you’re his next of kin,
will throw you also in the brine
and also do you in.
 
 
 
–Erthona
* A few days late due to the fact I could not get on the site.
 
©2014
Did you mean slubbers on the first line? I'm not sure how this word is used, but it seems to mean a number of things. A simple point of revision may be to clean up the repetition of also. Unless you feel the repetition is justified, you're missing the chance to either  put a word before brine (possibly slubber) or to put another word in the last line. This word seems like it would benefit from consonance, especially in a crude chantey.
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RE: Slubber Chantey (another word of the day poem) - by Brownlie - 11-18-2014, 04:37 PM



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