Blue note #1

[azure]

I'm completely new to poetry. I'd like to learn and improve as much as possible so any criticism is very welcome. Also, if possible, I welcome recommendations for poetry to read that resembles this and where I can get acquainted with cliches and get tired of them in order not to use them. I've written this during the night that I could not sleep.

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Blue note #1

Like a box of matches,
all stricken, burnt to fingers
This is how it feels
after folly lingers.

No soft words are spoken
in the middle of the night
when left with own's demons
without a trace of light.

A dawn should arise
as many did
but reasons this time
seem so dim.

The frost bites the heart,
even own blood waives
and in every part
only scream remains.

This poem shows a novice poet maturing in his work. But in order to hone your craft, you must keep taking it further. The meaning of this poem was expressed in a cliched manner.

First Stanza:

Like a box of matches,
all stricken, burnt to fingers
This is how it feels
after folly lingers.

I like the idea of 'folly' lingering upon you, keeping you up at night. It is cliched though. Starting off this piece with a simile that lacked originality, did not draw me in, nor will it most readers. I suggest adhering to that old saying: show, don't tell, and rewriting this stanza
completely.

Second Stanza:

No soft words are spoken
in the middle of the night
when left with own's demons
without a trace of light.

This stanza was a big cliche, that lacked originality. It was stagnant and boring. I suggest a rewriting it using your own command of unique language without obscuring what you are trying to express. I'm working on doing the same with my poetry.


Third Stanza:

A dawn should arise
as many did
but reasons this time
seem so dim.

Once again, boring and lacked refined expression...


Fourth Stanza:

The frost bites the heart,
even own blood waives
and in every part
only scream remains.

Okay I have issues with this one. It has grammatical errors that need to be fixed. It had more "spice", yet was confusing.

One thing I will never cease to suggest is to read poetry. Read and write. Read and write. Read and... Get the picture?
Keep at it!

Azure