The Bluffs

[StanleyZ]

Erosion cracked away the cliffs
we trampled without care,
our paths have vanished in the shifts
since I last wandered there.
 
The homes that lined the bay have broke,
stuck shattered in the sand;
and kids and dogs no longer poke
their noses where we ran.
 
Our jungle gym had monkey bars
for drinking by the lake,
where bad ass teens would shirk the stars
to watch the girls bums shake.
 
Those bluffs were home, not long ago,
to me and my first friends,
perhaps it’s better not to know
that even memories end.

I like this poem. The nostalgia is strong in this one. The meter isn't nailed down to measured feet, but the completion of each thought on the line makes it flow naturally. The only exception being line 7, in which tension builds up, because the line ends with a verb that is not part of a complete sentence on the line. I thought that was quite effective given the stark ending of the surrounding lines. I would suggest adding another nifty bit of enjambment in the last stanza of the same effect. "perhaps it's better not to know" can be a complete phrase, so it loses that emphasis that you have in line 7, and in my opinion this sort of poem should end on that emphatic home run.

Also lines 9 & 10 don't really fit when I read them. Jungle gyms have no business being near lakes, especially when clumsy children are afoot. The next two lines I liked a lot. The word "bad-ass" also adds some tension working against the simple tone of the piece, which I think makes those teens seem really nasty.

The final line could use a tweak as well. I'm not quite sure what, but it just seems off when I read it aloud. Perhaps it's the three syllable word "memories", the second of two three syllable words in the poem (the first being the first word) I can understand if you want to break away from the norm of your word choice to create tension for emphasis, but in my honest opinion it falls flat on the last line.