Blue note #1

[purplejupiter]

I love that you open with an image of heat and fire, and leave with an image of brutal cold. I think it evokes the feeling of unbearable aloneness and the loss of "heat" when you are left to your own thoughts. I encourage you to play around with structure a bit more...challenge yourself to write this poem in a couple of ways: free-verse, sonnet form, etc. You will be surprised that sometimes setting strict boundaries for yourself will allow you to look at your own writing in a different way.
I would recommend "Sex without Love" by Sharon Olds. She really doesn't have many cliches, and her style is different from yours, but something tells me you will find something in that poem.