New to haiku
#2
(11-08-2014, 07:09 AM)donbouquet Wrote:    a haiku attempt:


     cracked cement
    a single wildflower
     parts the traffic
Interesting idea.. can be made more compact. no need to have "single",

cracked cement (what about making this only "a cranny" ?)
a wildflower
parts the traffic

What disturbs me is the shift from not nature to nature and than back. I am not sure, but I think there should be only one in haiku. But I might perceive this wrongly. Let the bearded decide.
Thistles.
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Messages In This Thread
New to haiku - by donbouquet - 11-08-2014, 07:09 AM
RE: New to haiku - by SimikPK - 11-08-2014, 08:19 AM
RE: New to haiku - by just mercedes - 11-08-2014, 08:20 AM
RE: New to haiku - by donbouquet - 11-08-2014, 08:48 AM
RE: New to haiku - by billy - 11-08-2014, 03:55 PM
RE: New to haiku - by srijantje - 11-08-2014, 03:59 PM
RE: New to haiku - by donbouquet - 11-08-2014, 10:31 PM
RE: New to haiku - by bena - 11-10-2014, 11:54 PM



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