Puzzle Pieces

[coy]

I'm looking for feedback on this - first poem I have written in several months, feeling a bit rusty. Fire away!

Puzzle Pieces (v. 2)


I’ve been sitting here for hours now,

right foot falling asleep under my left thigh,
toes twitching with a need to stand up
that I can’t seem to answer. use a stronger word than answer.
My bones quiver, my collarbone shifts,
my ribs creak and my spine straightens,
keeping my head upright
as it turns toward the window
and sighs heavily,
as if it’s been here one too many times.
The curtain whispers in my ear,
the single-paned window rattles softly
against my knuckles. and My fingers move I felt that sentence dragged on much too long and reads easier without 'and'. I put a period after knuckles for you to consider
like the legs of a spider
as he drops down from the ceiling.
I describe my body slowly,
from head to toe,
as if doing this will make it real,
as if taking control of my image could somehow
give me control of my life, of my movement,
and of my thoughts.
I describe my body from outside,
from above, as if I were a puzzle
to be solved, to be broken and made whole
again and again, until pieces begin to disappear
behind the furniture, and frustration appears in the spaces
left by those small fractions of me that meant nothing much
until they were gone.
consider a new stanza here for the idea shift.

You weren’t just one of those pieces.
You were the straight edge, the corners,you're attributing him -- a single person -- to all the corners?
the definition and the safety
that kept the wayward parts of this puzzle
from escaping into the dust and dirt.
You were the last piece, the satisfaction, and now here he is regarded as an individual piece, the last piece. You see the logical inconsistency, right?
the beginning and the end, the metaphor
for sanity that made all too much sense to me clunky, unneeded words.
as this description of my body fades into the darkness.
i personally would put a period at the end of line above and end the poem here. you most likely won't do that, but i thought i'd share my thoughts.

 

Solid writing, accessible theme, not many changes necessary. Enjoyed the read!