frostbite

[billy]

sorry for not getting to the edit sooner.
a really solid edit.  (reasons given below) i'm not sure i'm a follower of no caps on words like jan and feb etc but that's just me, the minimalism shown with the punctuation (lack of) works well enough to keep.

Here's the first edit (original version is below), long overdue! Thanks for all your feedback guys.


frostbite Version 2

frostbite


april cut into the frozen city
with long fingernail scratches
of running water and suddenly brown gardens would sudden be a better usage?
the air fell heavy onto the eaves
of houses eager to open their doors good edit on the 1st stanza, the enjambment feels more pronounced without the and on the penultimate line.

i stepped out and spoke
into a space filled with spring
guess i was just trying to hurry things along is [just] really needed?
trying to warm the air
trying to clear the path
trying to make some sense of this transition
the dragging pace at which winter melted away i like the [tryings] some may not but they work well for me in showing a sort of futility, the last line give  just enough to round off the stanza.


i stepped out, leaned forward
and spoke
too soon
because the mercury sank back into the glass
rain became needles, trees frosted thread the stronger image gives much more
threatening to sew winter back into the sky i love this line, while there's a kind of fear or something in the image, there's also a a hope it won't happen. 
and the air retreated
into a dull but biting winter chill more of an image now
as if afraid of my open chest
displaying december's frostbite
and january's cold words

and i apologized silently
to the city and myself
for thinking winter could be defeated so easily

frostbite Version 1

april cut into the city
in long fingernail scratches
of running water and suddenly brown gardens
and the air fell heavy onto the eaves
of houses eager to open their doors

i stepped out and spoke
into a space filled with spring
just trying to hurry things along, i guess
trying to warm the air
trying to clear the path
trying to make some sense of this transition

i stepped out, leaned forward
and spoke
too soon, i guess
because the mercury sank coldly back into the glass
and the rain became needles, the trees thread
threatening to sew winter back into the sky
and the air retreated back
into a dull winter chill
as if afraid of my open chest
displaying december's frostbite
and january's cold words

and i apologized silently
to the city and myself
for thinking winter could be defeated so easily