A Cock For Asclepius

[ellajam]

I'm taking a swing at this in my own simple way.
I take the title as a sacrifice to the god of healing, with the idea of the poem an emergence from marital misery. The partial sentences disturbed me. Here are a few notes.

Edit 2/11/14


Wonder how I ended up
in me.  Remember years of sup-
plication, settling down, like
layers in an unwashed mug
and I, the hemlock, ploughed
and dormant, folded by
domestic drug.
The opening works for me as the present looking back. The unwashed mug starts a strong Ew factor, with hemlock saying the N considers herself the worst of the layers, or at least the final one. I like the conflict of ploughed and dormant, when applied to domestic drug it says silenced by abuse to me.

Once the numbness, rigid cold
like coinage. Wipe the mouth, old
winter gone.  You follow fire
and soot its crackling, shadow
strings upon the wall.  Bowed
back to you, open eye
on fading glow.
I can't make a complete sentence from your opening here, maybe I'm missing something. I like the fire line but the last sentence is too obscure for me. I do get that this is a transition period.

One draught, the spark flew wild.
Pasture, black to green, defiled:
awakened.  Weeds seed madly,
toxins spreading, stop the breath
of creased, decreased and cowed.
Deal to conjugal lie
a welcome death.
This was an interesting end to me, the sowing of waste and evil as the result of newness. For me it held the hope of a new better season after the poison has been let loose. But I'm an optimist.



Original

Wonder how I ended up
in me.  Remember years of sup-
plication, settling in, like
layers in an unwashed mug
and I, the hemlock, ploughed
and dormant, folded by
domestic drug.

Once the numbness, rigid cold
like coinage. Wipe the mouth, old
winter gone.  You follow fire
and soot its crackling, shadow
strings upon the wall.  Bowed
back to you, open eye
on fading glow.

One draught, the spark flew wild.
Pasture, black to green, beguiled
awakened.  Weeds seed madly,
toxins spreading, stop the breath
of creased, decreased and cowed.
Deal to conjugal lie
a welcome death.

I don't know if this will be any use at all, but I enjoyed trying.