10-22-2014, 02:24 AM
I’ve been sitting here for hours now,
right foot falling asleep under the weight of my left thigh,
toes twitching with a need to stand up
that I can’t seem to answer.
My bones quiver, my collarbone shifts,
Some people like to trim their poems of word excess I guess. But I think more words add to the poem. The feeling of waiting, of being stuck.
The "here" in the first line; the "seem to" in the can't seem to answer line. I think things like that add to the poem, the way it's spoken. There are more words like that throughout it.
I still want to say more. So plan on doing it.
Do you have any second thoughts about the poem, or any new ideas yet?
right foot falling asleep under the weight of my left thigh,
toes twitching with a need to stand up
that I can’t seem to answer.
My bones quiver, my collarbone shifts,
Some people like to trim their poems of word excess I guess. But I think more words add to the poem. The feeling of waiting, of being stuck.
The "here" in the first line; the "seem to" in the can't seem to answer line. I think things like that add to the poem, the way it's spoken. There are more words like that throughout it.
I still want to say more. So plan on doing it.
Do you have any second thoughts about the poem, or any new ideas yet?