Dusty -revised

[billy]

it's an enjoyable read if i empty my head of a f lyrics.  for me i think some of the smaller words could be edited out and in doing so make some of the images more prominent. 

I just don’t know what to do with my self  the first line is a little weak because it's so well known. would it have more strength somewhere else within the poem
and it’s seldom I can locate it.  a clever play on/off self
I’m circled on maps but when I stop to ask  this line is beyond my understanding, and it seems to be a different type of self
then mist has covered the traces. [then] feels awkward.
In living rooms and in limbo,
on all fours and on tiptoe I’ve chased it.
I’ve read the self-help literature, this and the two lines above have a fun feel to them the self-help lit is also clever
Bergson et al and etcetera:
the brain is but a filterer
and in theory all can be heard and seen,
what is now and what has been. almost a bible cliche first seen in; [Ecclesiastes 1:9 What has been will be again]


The world is on my fingerprints,
its garbage overflows the bins
and I am blown by violins  for some reason i got a laugh from this line though i'm not sure why. good start to the 2nd stanza ( i say stanza because some of the end rhymes aren't working)
to search my self to smithereens
down half-remembered alleyways,
the detritus of all the days
that’s settled on your counterpane.
Let’s fumble locks and zips and lips
too intimately intricate,
let’s laugh and listen to the drip this line and the two above it work well as a unit within the poem but now the self is the two selves.?
of percussion dabbled blue.
Let’s steal a ball with a private invite
and dare the world to pursue;
at daybreak when the dust has flattened
and the great birds hover and squawk,
I’ll shrink smaller than invisible
and beg you to turn on the dark.