10-13-2014, 08:01 PM
be on guard for cliches which can weaken a poem.
intended cliche can work but there has to be a genuine reason to use them. the first three lines are a an extended cliche, the first line is the first, the 2nd line the 2nd and third line is the the 3rd. all point to the same thing.
i did point out a couple of points in the poem that could be looked at throughout the poem if you want to do an edit.
intended cliche can work but there has to be a genuine reason to use them. the first three lines are a an extended cliche, the first line is the first, the 2nd line the 2nd and third line is the the 3rd. all point to the same thing.
i did point out a couple of points in the poem that could be looked at throughout the poem if you want to do an edit.
(10-13-2014, 08:09 AM)gypsyrose Wrote: New to site, feedback welcome. Thanks for reading.
Sleep my love, sleep.
Rest your head upon my breast
and place yourself into my keep.
Then dream us on a mighty quest.
To a land where dragons exist.
Where we can run through mystical forests, no need for [where]
as we chase unicorns through the mist.
Then on pretty balloons will float, I promise. watch out for inverted text
As through the marshes we must flee.
Toward evil knights guarding the keep,
where the buried treasure is we seek.
Before escaping on the murmuring seas.
Sleep my love, sleep.
Close your eyes and spread your wings.
There no reason for you to weep,
for in your dreams you are king.