Halloween

[gypsyrose]

New to site, feedback welcome. Thanks for reading.

On this dreadful stormy night,
beneath a moon hanging low.
The wind whispers through the pines,
causing shivers down your spine.

The leaves have all but withered,
the birds have all flown.
The snakes come a slither,
the spider's webs are all sown.

As the night grows eerily still,
the only sound a raven's cry.
Suddenly a shadow shoots across the sky,
followed by a frightful shrill.

You want to turn away,
but your curiosity knows no bounds.
However the longer you delay,
may find you underground.

As you near the creepiest of houses,
you are filled with dread and doubt.
But on the door you rap, rap, rap,
and Trick or Treat you scream and shout.

Happy Halloween

[simmon]

Hello! As for my personal opinion, i think during first or second paragraph, you might want to add a hint of character's existence. You don't have to use direct word such as "you", but may try to add a bit on the arrival of the character. The reason I suggest this is because you take 3 paragraphs to describe the environment. This has quite a good effect on the 4th paragraph, but that make the previous paragraph sound a little weak. Therefore, try to add a little hint of something might help, but you have to be careful not to ruin what you try to create.

I really like your poem, but it just the 2th line seem a bit off for me... Thank you for the read. (^ ^)

[billy]

you start off with consistent meter in the first verse and then lose it in the second onward. try and keep it consistent. the poem is also wordy with a lot of cliches. click on some of the links in my signature to see them better explained.

New to site, feedback welcome. Thanks for reading.
On this dreadful stormy night,
beneath a moon hanging low.
The wind whispers through the pines,
causing shivers down your spine.
The leaves have all but withered,
the birds have all flown.
The snakes come a slither,
the spider's webs are all sown.
As the night grows eerily still,
the only sound a raven's cry.
Suddenly a shadow shoots across the sky,
followed by a frightful shrill.
You want to turn away,
but your curiosity knows no bounds.
However the longer you delay,
may find you underground.
As you near the creepiest of houses,
you are filled with dread and doubt.
But on the door you rap, rap, rap,
and Trick or Treat you scream and shout.
Happy Halloween

[gypsyrose]

Thank you for reading my poem and your tips are greatly appreciated.