Sleep My Love, Sleep

[Wjames]

New to site, feedback welcome. Thanks for reading.

Sleep my love, sleep.
Rest your head upon my breast
and place yourself into my keep.
Then dream us on a mighty quest. The rhymes seem forced to me, word choices made entirely (or rather, mostly) to create a rhyme.

To a land where dragons exist. This isn't a complete sentence.
Where we can run through mystical forests,
as we chase unicorns through the mist. What does "through the mist" add to the poem except for the rhyme?
Then on pretty balloons will float, I promise. I think this line would be more natural like: "I promise we'll float on pretty balloons", but was changed to the way it is to create the half-rhyme.

As through the marshes we must flee.
Toward evil knights guarding the keep,
where the buried treasure is we seek.
Before escaping on the murmuring seas.

Sleep my love, sleep.
Close your eyes and spread your wings.
There no reason for you to weep,
for in your dreams you are king.

These were just my thoughts as I read the poem. I didn't write anything for the last two stanza's, as I'd just be treading over the same ground again (the same points I made in the first two stanzas fit the last two). I didn't really get anything from the poem, it wasn't really different from stuff I've read a million times before. To try and get away from the forced rhymes, I would try and write some poems with no rhyming at all in them.

Hopefully this is of some help to you,
WJ.