10-13-2014, 10:04 AM
Gypsyrose,
I love how this poem flows! The rhythm is very captivating to me. I particularly like the line "Then dream us on a mighty quest". Your word choice and structure of the line emphasizes the euphonious sounds.
There is only one line that I might edit: "Before escaping on the murmuring seas" almost disrupts the nature of the poem. Do you think there's any way you could reword that?
Besides that, though, I see nothing wrong with this work. I think it is a pretty, happy piece of poetry. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading your work in the future.
I love how this poem flows! The rhythm is very captivating to me. I particularly like the line "Then dream us on a mighty quest". Your word choice and structure of the line emphasizes the euphonious sounds.
There is only one line that I might edit: "Before escaping on the murmuring seas" almost disrupts the nature of the poem. Do you think there's any way you could reword that?
Besides that, though, I see nothing wrong with this work. I think it is a pretty, happy piece of poetry. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading your work in the future.