The Goldfish (edit 2)

[billy]

a good solid edit still needs a little bit of work but good so far

Edit 2
The Goldfish

I’ve watched from the armchair opposite
and pitied him, drifting, 
buffeted by currents of his own
unknown making, unknown sound bit too zen for me, it's a fish, not a Buddhist monk though i suppose that would be real zen
occasionally tail-flicking into the perpetual pipeline
that recycles his immutable liquid present, the last three words feel odd, i know what they mean but i just feels over the top
but mostly staring 
through a dim ochre upside-down
shadow of himself
at a refracted, convex,
never-expanding universe. i like the photographic image in the four/five line of this stanza.

Then one day I bumped the bowl is then needed?
and it rolled cracked and splashed a comma is needed in this line.
and my life flashed no need for [and] i do like the expectation of life flash before my eyes and it isn't ther n the next line
in his darkening eye
as he lay
gasping
immersed in overwhelming clarity. feels too much [it's hard for me to imagine what you mean]

I saved him with a swift scoop
and a teacup drowning, don't fish drown in air? [metaphorically speaking]
and now returned to another can something else be used instead of and or just edited out?
cold clouded cyclical inescapable bowl
I see him sometimes, watching me for me this is best line of the poem and where the poem should end. ending here leaves the poem open ended,
pitifully.