In the West she'd be locked away

[brandontoh]

I've posted versions of this one before... twice. I'm never happy with it. Here's another take.


A shadow moves of moss and brown,
feet horned and dusty, her sandals slip 
on and off. -- It's a very intriguing stanza that opens well. My only problem is that the rhythm is different from the rest of the poem. Just something to take note of.

She ambles with that monkey gait
through carts of egg vendors,
boys screaming at their goalies,
and the local station de police. -- Nice imagery, very rich setting. 

Her chatters and mumbles don’t stop,
going from spider to howler in an instant. -- What is going on here? I'm interested in reading on!

The first time she looked drunk-stoned,
I thought maybe she was another glue sniffer
or counted among the illicit alcoholics  -- The mystery is solved! Very timely revelation that isn't jarring and fits the poem nicely.
of this hot, dry country. -- This line feels redundant. What does this add to the poem? Even if it does serve a purpose, it is a rather shallow and 'telling' way to do it.
 
She must have been educated
before the psychosis set in;
her French, spat out with saliva darts,
is better than mine. --Hmm. Once again, good image, but this stanza feels like a weak followup to the previous one. 

I saw a man offer her bread at the hanout today.
She didn't seem to understand;
maybe her stomach was sated. -- I think swapping this stanza with the previous one works better. Just my opinion.

I've often wondered if she has anyone,
a sister, uncle, social worker. Him?
But that's just my Western brain,

I think. Because then I remember her wiry hair
tied up with that kind of plastic rope
they string dried figs onto.
She shifts it back onto rough chopped gray
from its flower power place. 

There's never a fly too far off.

She is as scenery in this place,
another piece of Oulfa’s puzzle,
and I’m the only one the least bit phased
by her accusing stares. -- The rest of the poem reads beautifully. Very strong ending.

I really like this poem! What else can I say? The imagery is rich and clear, with the title adding another layer to the narrator's thought process.