10-05-2014, 02:04 AM
I like the suggestion of the title and starting the poem with 'she'.
still thinking of an apt word to replace 'swelled and rolled'
i like how you bent the last line.
The Slag's Tryst
She adjusted her bodice in front of the mirror
at his cottage in the country side.
Raindrops swelled and rolled
down the mud wall. A clump of wildflowers
wilted, and left behind a muddied remainder
from the monsoon of his warm breath.
still thinking of an apt word to replace 'swelled and rolled'
i like how you bent the last line.
The Slag's Tryst
She adjusted her bodice in front of the mirror
at his cottage in the country side.
Raindrops swelled and rolled
down the mud wall. A clump of wildflowers
wilted, and left behind a muddied remainder
from the monsoon of his warm breath.
