Agave

[Tiger the Lion]

Paul,

I realise this is the "poetry for fun" foreskin forum, but I have seen this pop up before with you, so I thought I would lecture you (lucky you) on it. I know how much you like to be lectured at. 

Shouldn't "sat" be "sitting"? If you mean it like "put" I would use "put" over "sat".

You open this with a simile (that turns into a metaphor) equating two shots of tequila to two humans. OK how are they like tequila or how is tequila like them? This is the thesis of your poem. human=tequila Or at least it is supposed to be.

Does tequila want to be understood or ache to be known? No, I don't think so. One might impose that on an abandoned puppy, but not two shots of tequila, a least not without giving them attributes by making them come alive. Do humans have the attribute of salt and citrus fruits? How does night fall gently, in terms of falling on to something. The night "falls upon the day", but it cannot fall upon anybodies shoulders, the sun can, but not the night, plus it's cliche when used as the sun falling on one's shoulders. Also tequila shots do not have shoulders, they may have rims, or a shot glass, but not shoulders. In a metaphor one points out how this is that, or in simile how this is like that. What attributes does tequila have in common with humans? It has a bitter bite and humans can have a bitter bite, but with tequila we are talking concretely, with humans it is an emotional bitter bite, which would mean that the human in question is acrimonious. So we can say someone is acrimonious without actually saying it.

I sort of like the idea, but it is not working this way. I guess I like the green and white color tequila brings. A couple of forgotten tequila shots do have somethings in common with humans, as humans are very efficient at sitting on their butt doing nothing. Humans can be "cool" like a shot of tequila, or least a margarita. Also you can say they are salty, which can be applied to humans. salty=coarse The point is, "What does this thing have in common with humans, or vice versus.  

Dale

Well that was fun.   Thanks as always Dale. I've thought of some changes that might make this more effective. Will reread the comments as I go.
Paul