10-02-2014, 07:22 AM
She lies on the floor
listening to The Kinks
sing You Really Got Me,
cat curled besides her.
Is it all right to make it beside her? Or is it besides her?
She lingers, shivering,
until the stars
come out to dance.
The stanza above is the weakest.
This whole town
might burn down tonight
as she dreams of nothing,
clutching the pillow.
This one could be stronger some way too. The last two lines.
Maybe she’ll walk into the river,
pockets filled with stones,
or grow overnight to an old woman
before a single TV dinner.
A ghost.
Maybe she is one already.
The rest is O.K. . . . 'before' or 'in front of' or something else. 'with', even. Maybe just keep 'before', like it is.
listening to The Kinks
sing You Really Got Me,
cat curled besides her.
Is it all right to make it beside her? Or is it besides her?
She lingers, shivering,
until the stars
come out to dance.
The stanza above is the weakest.
This whole town
might burn down tonight
as she dreams of nothing,
clutching the pillow.
This one could be stronger some way too. The last two lines.
Maybe she’ll walk into the river,
pockets filled with stones,
or grow overnight to an old woman
before a single TV dinner.
A ghost.
Maybe she is one already.
The rest is O.K. . . . 'before' or 'in front of' or something else. 'with', even. Maybe just keep 'before', like it is.